Bought ticket to Singapore for Christmas. There's no reason for me to stick around for the holiday. Furthermore I have no one else here. Its been 2 years since I last stepped my feet there. Good to have some time off in order to leave everything behind even though it's just temporary. Some time to think what I really need and what I'm gonna do next.
Day 6th
5 days after
You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.
- Author Unknown
Dear readers,
You must be thinking why I changed my blog address right? Well, I want to leave behind something that I can cherish forever. Telling stories about how my love journey went and the best thing that I've never imagined happened...
Talking to mummy and daddy about what happened more or less made the burden a little bit lesser but still nothing changed..I'm trapped within myself and my mind is still blank with what has happened..I'm still in search of why even though I know there's no point but there's always a reason why some things happen...
When I received a text message from mummy saying 'I love you,from mummy' for the first time (even though she often say it verbally) yesterday,made my heart sank. It seems that she understand what I'm going through and I know that she's trying her best to cheer me up when I was at home. Every mum hope and pray the best for their children. Having to see them in their wedding outfit is one of the many things that parents would want to see but I guess on my part, it is just a dream...
few days after...
Todays one of those days...
where i stare at the paper, but can't write,
only tears seem to sheer...
Even if I fall in love again, with someone new..
It will never be the way I loved you..
It will never be the way I loved you..
Being with him for the past 3 years has changed me a lot. Especially mentally. He showed me the broader side of life that I've never notice previously. He introduced me the colorful side of life that I thought was just black and white last time.
I thanked and owe him a lot and I know I can never repay him back. He was my everything and my world revolved around him. He picked me up when I was down thinking that I can never be back again. He gave me hope that there'll always be rainbow after the rain. I trusted him with all my heart and looking at having a better future with him up to a point of taking the next biggest step in my whole life...All plans were laid down in front of me...And thinking that I'll be the happiest and the luckiest person even when the time comes but now everything will remain as dream.
I can't deny that it is hard for me the accept the fact after what has happened but I know I have to be strong no matter what. I can't pretend to put a smiling face when I know I'm not happy. If I could turn back time, I'll definitely make things better and I know every man will want a perfect partner and I knew the fact that I took for granted on many things. Part of the reason why this happened is because of me.
I've never regret knowing him and never once think that it was a wasteful 3 years instead it was the biggest achievement(apart from academic) and the greatest memory one can dream of having. We cherished each other and we had the best years of our life and I knew that no one can ever replace him.
Tears has not yet dry off at the moment. I cried because I know I've lost one of the most important person in my life. I lost part of the purpose in my life and lost the second strength(apart from my family) that made me strong all of these years....
I'm not sure if God has a better plan for me but I know He do and daddy said take it as a blessing in disguise...My prayers will always be with him (praying that he'll always be safe and God will always help him in whatever he does)..
If one day, things changed the other way round or he has a changed of heart, I'll always be happy to mend things back and be happy back like how we used to be because he is the precious thing in my life....
A test from up above
God, if I can’t have what I want, let me want what I have
Life is hard sometimes, but there is always a reason for why it is
-Jacquelyn K.
Weekend was good as mummy and a neighbor of mine were here for a medical follow-up.They reached here on Friday night and went back this evening. We wanted to visit Bukit Bendera but it was closed for renovation so we went to Kek Lok Si temple. It was hot and tiring but good. The view from up there were beautiful until it made me don't feel like coming down ever....
Had a good conversation with mummy for the first time ever (after 26 years) about G...Didn't know that she could take the news so calmly. But I'm glad that everything has settled on my side that I don't have to hide my relationship anymore.
I'm praying that God will give me the strength to overcome what I'm facing now and that He will lighten my way and give me a peace of mind..And God, please keep away whatever that comes between me and him..
Feast the eyes on the pictures taken during the visit...
It was believed that you lit the candles and pray that your path and whatever you do will be enlighten by God.
They used to have turtles in this pond
This picture was taken during the medical follow-up. While we were waiting for our turn:-)
I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.
Javan (Steven Javan Jones)
Things hasn't gone well for the past few days. Many things happened and it affected emotionally. Talked to daddy for a while over the phone and it made me felt better. I never thought that I could talk to him about my relationship. It was a good conversation. I hope what ever is happening now is just temporary. Just a change of life cycle. I have so many things going through my mind so I do not wish to add any more burden into my tiny brain. I never want the same thing happen to me again like my previous relationship. It doesn't make me feel good.
felt awful since then....
I don't know what to feel
I don't know what to say even though I know it won't change
I don't know how to react anymore
I'm speechless
I feel threaten
I sense jealousy
I sense hypocrite
I feel annoyed
I don't feel well emotionally
I sense anger
I feel irritated..........and the list goes on........
I know what I feel now will not change anything but I do hope it will change....
Billy Gilman --- Oklahoma
This song is about a boy who never knew that he had a dad and his dad doesn't know he exist.
I cried when watching this music video
my heart wants to shout out
Sometimes, there are moments where I feel like standing at the edge of a cliff and shout my heart out but I can't find the perfect cliff here in Penang. The only cliff I know is Bukit Bendera..Not a suitable place to do that I guess Even though you have good friends or family to listen to what your heart want to say but there are things that you're aren't able to verbally tell them...It is hard to explain by words and that is what I feel now. Confused and decide whether to think or not to think...The harder I try not to think, the harder it gets...Sometimes it is best to just let it go...
Entri BM sempena Aidiladha
Entah kali ke berapa aku menyambut Raya Haji di negeri orang. Terasa sayu bila mendengar takbir raya di awal pagi. Bayangkan mereka yang terpaksa menyambut raya lebih jauh di negara asing. Entah apa perasaan mereka. Namun ini salah satu pengorbanan yang terpaksa dilakukan demi mencari sesuap nasi...Inilah lumrah kehidupan zaman sekarang. Mereka yang di kampung berhijrah ke bandar unutk mencari peluang yang lebih cerah....Ada yang berjaya dan ada yang hanya boleh melihat orang lain gembira kerana berjaya mencapai matlamat hidup...Mereka di perantauan hanya dapat menumpang kasih dan ihsan orang asing dan menganggap mereka seperti keluarga sendiri...Sayu................
Accomplishment in life.
"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use."
I know I haven't been updating my blog for quite some time. Been busy with exams and workload..Sorry readers..Nothing much to tell about for the past few days. Same chores..Go to work and come back, books, computers and so on... |
Happy Diwali
I would like to take this opportunity to wish all my Hindu friends a very Happy Deepavali. Have a joyous moments with your loved ones....
weekend gateaway
Weekend was good as I spent it with the family back in my hometown. No pictures though...
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